Erasing the “Rules”

 

Up until now, and probably for the rest of high school, sleepovers with friends are a no go. This is more of a non-negotiable and still feels highly unnecessary. All my friends have sleepovers, and absolutely nothing happens. But usually rules like these don’t come out of thin air, they come from somewhere deeper than simple logic and explanation.

Throughout the past week in chapters 8-10 of The Best We Could Do we undoubtedly see how Thi Bui’s parents carry the hold onto the weight of war, escape, and instability, and it floods right into their parenting. The rules they have, like about answering the door, aren’t explained but simply followed. Things like these might feel severe but when you understand what they’ve lived through (escaping Vietnam, rebuilding from dust, generational trauma) these rules start to make perfect sense. They aren’t about controlling but protecting the ones they love. When you see just how quickly safety fades away, you don’t take chances with any people you love.

That same attitude shows up in countless people’s pressure to succeed. A lot of people talk about academic and career pressure with a negative connotation, but I completely disagree. Pressure like this can stem from fear, but also from hope. Lots of parents know what it’s like to have absolutely nothing, and they’d hate to have their kids experience that. In the book we clearly see Thi Bui’s parents had high expectations with Thi’s older sisters achieving Valedictorian and Salutatorian in their graduating classes. But Thi’s parents push extra hard not because they want to be perfect, but because at one time not going the extra mile meant falling behind.

I think rules like no sleepovers and expectations to succeed are inherited survival instincts. We don’t keep the war itself, but the memories of it, and all the urgency it created. Even if your parents don’t share their full and exact story, their life still shapes the way they dictate yours. And by the end of these chapters, it’s obvious that parenting isn’t about being flawless, but about doing the best you can with what you still have. Many times, affection shows up as rules we just can’t comprehend until later on in our lives. Your parents' waves may not represent yours.

Comments

  1. Arthur ChengDecember 14, 2025 at 8:11 AM

    I really liked how you were able to incorporate everything and show how The Best We Could Do was incorporated into the current cultural zeitgeist. It really shows the deep and methodical conversation one must have to appreciate the beauty of not having sleepovers with friends and how they're a no go. It's a really deep metaphor when your parent's waves may not even represent your own.

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  2. Abhinav JainDecember 14, 2025 at 8:55 AM

    I liked how you talked about the expectations parents can have on their kids and the pressure it can bring. Its a good idea to view it as hope, because at the end of the day, our parents just want what's best for us. It's good to adapt our perspective to our parent's to better understand the actions and ways they raised us.

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  3. RahafDecember 14, 2025 at 10:06 AM

    This is a wonderful connection, articulating how parental rules and high expectations are often inherited survival instincts rooted in past experiences of instability and often times a need for protection. Your observation that affection can show up as rules we can't comprehend until later perfectly captures the intergenerational nature of parental love and discipline. Nice job!

    ReplyDelete
  4. MaiaDecember 14, 2025 at 10:44 AM

    I love how you talked about expectations and learning how to understand where you parents are coming from. Similarly I wrote about understanding my mom and I feel like that such an important part of growing up.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Mohammed ElshiekhDecember 14, 2025 at 8:44 PM

    I really like how you tie the high parental expectations to a deep-seated survival instinct reframing strict rules as an intense form of inherited protection rather than simple control.

    ReplyDelete

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